we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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