You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
