You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
