And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize