Will you blow on my dice?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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