he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
