shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
