My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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