it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
