i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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