he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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