Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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