I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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