I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
