The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
