Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
