I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
