I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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