dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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