White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
