She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
