all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
