rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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