When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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