God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
