Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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