he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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