im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You pole danced in your parka.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
