If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
