The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
