Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize