Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
