1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize