And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
