what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
