I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
