apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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