I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
