i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
