There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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