I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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