it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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