dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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