Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
