Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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