Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
