you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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