my mouth tastes like poor choices
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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