I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
