"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
