so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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