This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize