even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
