Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
