Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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