You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
