Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
