DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
