# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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