life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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