a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
