I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found your dick twin last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
