God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was confusing and full of hummus
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
