and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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