Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
