Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
