I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
