Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize