you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
