Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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