Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
