she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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