i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
