she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
