My liver just broke up with me...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
