Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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