Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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