There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
