the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
