but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
