just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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