I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
