She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
