You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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