I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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