Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
