saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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