we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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