boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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