your parents love me but you hate me
Umm I'm too high to move.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
