Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
